Growing in Tolerance

We have all seen people that fall apart over any and everything. Sometimes you just want to give them a little shake and whisper two words of wisdom to them… “GROW UP!!!!”. It can be said that immature people have very little tolerance.

The culture that we live in preaches tolerance but most people can’t “tolerate” to a large extent. Tolerance is defined as a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own. Tolerance is also defined as the act or capacity of enduring; or endurance. We are “expected” to tolerate people with differing views, different ways of doing things, different looks etc, but there is a strong and many times overt tone that resonates within the walls of our culture that is evidenced by the “world revolves around me”, “I got to have it my way when I want it” and “if you can’t do it for me right now, then I’ll find somebody who can” syndromes. We want to be tolerated but we don’t want to endure.

We give up on spouses, children, family members, friends, jobs, vehicles, homes and sad to say God when conflict, confrontation or challenging circumstances arise. Many times the reason that we give up is due to a lack of a willingness to grow. Growing is one of the most rewarding yet one of the most difficult aspects of life, but growing is tied directly to Love.

At our last small group session concerning 40 days of Community, we delved into the topic of Growing Together. In order to Grow Together we must have endurance or patience. Show me a person who is wise and I can assure you that person is a person who knows the value of patience. Think about some of the many “impatient” things that you have said and done in your life. I’m sure that the result of those actions and words were not indicative of “LOVE”. “Rushing” is the Miracle Grow that accelerates the growth of the flower called “Regret”.

Slow down because Love is Patient.

Love is also Truthful. Trust is the basis of Truth. Love opens the door to the innermost workings of our hearts and minds and exposes them to the ones that we love. If you are not willing to be transparent, you are not willing to love or to be loved. When we are transparent, truthful and totally accessible, we foster an environment of trust. It is only in an environment of Trust and Truthfulness that we can effectively begin to Speak the Truth in Love. When a person knows you (your faults and your successes) then they, through your openness, can accept your truthfulness about them because they know that your motives come from a place of Love.

Speaking the Truth in Love is not easy, but if we love each other then we must be willing to come face to face with the very conflict that will usher us into a deeper level of intimacy in our relationships. In order to speak the Truth in Love, we must:

· Check our Motives (We tend to criticize in others what we hate about ourselves. Our motive must be to help not to hurt) Matthew 7:3-5 (NLT) says, “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye^[a] when you have a log in your own? ⁴ How can you think of saying to your friend,^[b] ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? ⁵ Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

· Plan your presentation (when to speak, what to say, how to say it)

· Pray (for wisdom, for grace, for courage and for your hearts to be prepared and softened)

· Say it tactfully, lovingly and gently (Proverbs 16:21, “Wise hearts are known for understanding what is right. Pleasant words make people want to learn more.”)

Love requires that we forgive. Forgiving involves no longer looking at the person who “wronged” you through human eyes. It involves humbling yourself, viewing them and the situation through the filter of grace and surrendering your need to avenge yourself. It is giving up your right to “recount” all the wrongs that someone has done because true love keeps no record of wrong. Love is true tolerance.

We are all imperfect people and we bring our imperfections into every relationship that we take part in, but Love makes allowances for our faults and says that I’m willing to accept you, open my life up to you and allow you to grow because I want to grow along with you. God uses the people and the circumstances of life to shape you, but you must make a commitment to grow and to tolerate the uncomfortable and uncertain state of being that accompanies moving from one stage to grow into another.

Are you willing to endure for Love? Can you “tolerate” others long enough to allow Love to grow in you and in them? Are you ready to speak the truth and to hear the truth in Love?

It’s time to “GROW UP” together.

Be Blessed,

B